Still Indulging.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

www weather: warm,wet,windy

How sweet our children were after the holidays. Glad to be in school again it seems to me.
I work as a special teacher in a small class for autistic children. We have 6 children there age 7 to 15. We got two nice bright rooms in a rather small school: about 250 children in the whole. Our work is really one to one, one teacher to one child. As the ability of each indivuduel child allows we go to classes or teach in our rooms. It is the best solution for special children that I can imagin and it is fun to work with. We are a very nice group of teachers and work close together. And we get beautiful results.

Outside it is www weather: warm, wet and windy.

More about us and our daughter:
She is over 30 now and started her slide downhill when she was 14, 15.
She has been fine in between. Everytime she starts again she goes further down, faster.
When it started, so many years ago, shame governed my life. I could hardly look into a mirror: I must have had done something very wrong as her mother. A stunning moment was when our neighbour, a teacher´s wife, a very “fine” older lady, stopped me at the doorsteps. We did not use to chat together like you sometimes do with neighbours. She said to me: ”I see your daughter. I do know this. I was in your situation. It will end some day.” I am forever thankful for her words, for her courage to tell me. To honour her, I tell you, the world, about us.
I often have imagined the picture of many parents sitting together, each pointing to the next person: “your child is like that, not mine”. Each pointing at each other. All these children are our children. Shame is no more an issue for me. Shame is the most useless feeling somebody can have. It is paralizing and completely useless. I think it is better to say: ok. I made a mistake. How can I do it better next time?
I know lots of people who have tried out drugs. I drink alkohol myself, much less now than before. But luckily I am not an alkoholic. Only you don´t know it but too late. When you know you are an addict, you are already there.

8 indulge with me:

  • At 8:56 PM, Blogger Miz BoheMia said…

    Hi Biene,

    I am sorry to hear of this. Addiction is such a hard thing to get over! In San Francisco, some close friends of ours had a meth addict son. It took over 15 years for him to get serious about getting help and now he is fine. The hardest part is knowing that they have to hit their bottom before realizing they need to fight to pick themselves back up...

    Shame? Not at all... compassion, and tons of it, is what is needed!

    I personally have a very severe case of constipation and use laxatives daily. I have done so for years. This is potentially dangerous, I am taking baby steps to get my body stronger and ready to wean myself off them and in the meanwhile work on my mind to be ready. I am having such a hard time with something that is not physically addictive that my heart goes out to real addicts. I wish your daughter the best... it is a hard road but with a mother like you by her side, she will be fine.

     
  • At 10:18 PM, Blogger Biene said…

    Yes, you are so right! Thank you for sharing. But really, it is not my fight, it is hers. I feel much better after I realized that. And i´ve learned that the family is the best security net you can get.

     
  • At 11:26 PM, Blogger Doug The Una said…

    This world is just a much messier place than people want to admit and we don't do ourselves any favor by pretending otherwise. I really think shame is nothing but the unwillingness to admit which world you live in.

    Did you choose your career before your son's diagnosis? I have a good friend who was a speech pathologist and then had a son with autism so she used all her training at home.

     
  • At 12:47 AM, Blogger Minka said…

    The safety net that you and your husband have built has catched more than one broken wing! I just hope she will have the strength to use it and the sense to thank you for it one day. You are doing an amazing job with all of us!

     
  • At 2:12 AM, Blogger Sar said…

    There is no such thing as a perfect child or a perfect parent, but I understand the instinct to want to portray otherwise. You are stronger and wiser for embracing reality.

     
  • At 12:09 PM, Blogger Minka said…

    Sar, ar eyou saying I am not perfect?:) Hmm...*deeply confused she leaves this site*

     
  • At 5:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Wir leben doch in einer kranken Welt! Mein Mann trinkt keinen Alkohol und als er noch Blutplasma spendete, wurde er u.a. regelmäßig zu seinem Alkoholkonsum befragt. Wenn er diese Frage wahrheitsgemäß mit "nein, keinen" beantwortete, wurde er immer schief angesehen und 2x unterstellte ihm der Untersuchende, er sei wohl trockener Alkoholiker. Man glaubte Jürgen nicht, dass er einfach keinen Alkohol mag und deshalb auch keinen trinkt.
    Tja, hier in Deutschland ist es normaler und akzeptierter, diese Droge in sich reinzuschütten, als es nicht zu tun - Schöne neue Welt!
    Kerstin

     
  • At 12:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Drug and alcohol addiction is a devastating disease that affects millions of individuals and families. Find the right alcohol treatment program program for yourself or a loved. It will be the first day of the rest of their or your life.

    You can get more assistance at http://www.drugrehabprogram.net .

     

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