THANKS FOR YOUR COMMENTS. What I wanted to say in my post and I see I must say it clearer, is how the understanding of the world changes within a life: First I was just frustated and forgot it. Then I stumbeled across it again when I was grown up. And then I started working with this experiment: Understanding what happened at a grown up level, then changing the memories and pasting the bad and good ones together. But, yes, I was qiute lonely as a child. What really did save me was my horse, a best firend, an excellent listener and I spend days and days with him, grooming, walking, riding.
But for now I am in Norway, in Volda, north of Bergen and have a nice holidayweek with my sister and her family. We are very busy, going for long walks, redecorating the room of her daughter like cleaning, painting the walls, rearranging and producing hand painted pillows.
AND last not least: here is a functioning internet connection as a new plug and new cable at home did not really solve our problem.

You want to see me in Norway? Here you are