wondering...

I am still wondering what I will be when I grow up (if I ever grow up)? Somehow this life now seems like an interlude to something. It goes too smooth now, too easy. In heart I am a very ambitious person. (Am I really or do I just think I am?) Here I am with one BA and a teacher certificate. On the way to another BA, two years gone, one more to go if I start again, and I think I should, feel bad letting this one hanging around. Then, I would like a MA degree, an Phd if possible. And then what? By that time I will be 70 and no time left to become famous world wide.

I should have started right in the beginning, after highschool. But then I didn´t have the stamina or the resources so I took the easy way out, I got married and had children. And some more. I wouldn´t want to have missed that. A friend of mine in Germany is a professor, no children, but not famous either, not where I live at least.

When I started working in old age I got the lick of money. What a luxure to go out and buy THOSE boots because I like them. To give money to the children when they need it. To buy whatever without asking anybody. I like my work. I also like the people I work with. So I would not be really happy about stoppning to work.

I love to learn and I can do it, I am a little slow remembering names and dates but I have other knowledge to compensate. I got a lot of As.
But then: there is so much to learn. And so much more. Where would I start? How far can I go? There is always somebody better, cleverer who knows more than me. That for competition.

And: There is a lot I know already and am impatient about listening to it again. Looking over some offers there is included a course about families of handicapped children you hvae to take. I AM a family of handicapped childen. I am nearly 60 and in classes often I knew what the teacher would say next. In between there are pieces of gold and you start thinking in a new way but the time in between! All the papers you write, the work you do and then they are in a box in my bookshelve. I´ve got lots of them and still more.

So Point one: I would like to have a title. For whom? Selfish? This needs some more thinking.
A title: somebody else tells you you are good enough to do something. It´s something you can choose to put an your adress. OK, it opens doors to more interesting jobs. Me? At 70? Or even 65?
Follow up will follow. Too much thinking for one setting.