Still Indulging.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Somethings goes wrong here- again. Wrote two posts lost them in cyberspace, lost connection.
Am fine, love you all, have a nice day.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Strange how life can be able to kick you in the ass whenever you don´t expect it. There seems to be an endless source of possibilties what can go wrong in a big way. I must confess that I am getting really tired. You jump one hurdle and the next is waiting. I am not tending to ask why. Why me, why our family. It is so futile and why not me? Is there somebody who should get this kicks? If life is a lesson, believe me, I don´t remember choosing this course. But I see no other way but forward, take a day off as well as you can and face the next one.
Sometimes it doesn´t work this way and I have been there too. When the brain just stops working right: when the ground beneath literally starts to move, when you don´t remember what you are doing in this place you find yourself in, when the car seems to drive by it´s own to places you never knew you where going to, when the body refuses to take the food you offer, when the colours fade out of your life. I don´t think I will go there again. I have learned too much since than. But I am so exhausted today that I find it difficult to go up the stairs in our house. And on top off all there is a sceduled meeting tomorrow morning about the lack of supervisors in Marinós home. That scares me. I have no energy at the moment and no opportunity either to take him more often home than usually, that means twice a week for dinner and the evening. So, now I will mix me some nice energy drink and watch “lost” on TV and knit. And then I read some exciting thriller until my sleeping pills will work. See you.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Fell in a short while ago

My sister got a dog!

I, and everybody in this house, are falling in and out of the world wide web. It is a terrible feeling to be cut off the pulse of the world ;) without a moments notice. No, I just relax and knit and phone others to make arrangements through the net for me. Like securing my flight to norway over the eastern holidays. What a good excuse not to have to do it myself!

But, instead for writing, I love reading other posts, so much more interesting than what I know already about me and my life :)

Sunday, February 12, 2006

On her the blog of the iceQueen (That´s Monika) she has showered me with love as a birthday present. So, If you want to read nice things of me, go there!
I wonder. Of course I try to be a nice person, but so much? I feel that people like me, at work, at home, in between. Of course it is a bit selfish: I like people liking me, so I smile a lot, try to please them in little ways, try to say nice things about them. I can stop chatting with the cashier at the supermarket or with the person at a bus stop. I feel sorry for angry people, how bad must they feel inside...
You imagine how difficult it is, to say something nice about oneself? Try it out: In no time you can write ten things you hate about yourself and then come with the ten good things. Ok my guests, I tag you!

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Sometimes I get so sad. Not that I would cry, I get heavy in my soul, terribly tired without being able to sleep it off.
There is this wonderfull old lady living in Portugal, she is far over 80 now. I visit her everytime I go there. She lived in Afica, in Angola, married to a german man there and they had to leave after a revolution and settled in her homeland, Portugal. She had a disabled son there, in Africa, and as there was no school or institution for him, she had to go with him and leave him in Europe. Some years later she got a letter from a friend that he didn´t have a good life, so she went again to find another place for him and had to leave him there too. I think he is autistic though he was never diagnosed. Now they live near each other and he stays long times with her, he around sixty by now. She has told me her story more than once and everytime her eyes fill with tears, still, after all these years, after all her life.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

It is soo much fun loosing weight!! I can go into a shop now and try on trousers and thing and they fit me!! So I can CHOOSE and don´t have to take something that happily fits. The question now is: Has that something to do with me or with what shops offer? Be it like that may be, I am emerging a new me and I like what is emerging. From slips to bra I have to go and get something new, rings I didn´t wear for years fit my fingers again – wehw! It gives me a feeling of accomplishment and confidence. The fat ugly duck is changing into a swan.

A huge dream I have for the future: I would like so much to invite all my children and their families together to a nice seaside place abroad! That would make us about 20 people, with the kids and everything. We could rent a small hotel. In two years I will be sixty. I will squirrel away til then and have it my birthday present! Nice enough idea?

Friday, February 03, 2006


Feeling sorry for somebody, feeling with somebody, “Mitleid” – to suffer with.

It is so much more fun to laugh with other people. The laughs and the smiles of the others will echo in your soul and will dobble your mirth and the mirth of the others. So how is it with pain? Must not the same energies be at work, just in the other direction? So if you feel pain with others, will it not double in your soul and in the others too? Does two people crying lessen the pain versus one person crying? Any way, can you really feel the pain of the other one, be it pysical or psychical? I doubt it, better still, I hope not. I imagine, you feel your own pains, the fright of missing, the lost moments you never had with this person, the lack of love you may have shown it times, maybe an unsure furture, maybe your helplesness..
What then is compassion about? Again I can only imagine. Compassion must be about listening with your heart, showing that you care. Hearing what the other wants to say. Allowing them to express their feelings and frights without wanting to change them. Being with them, without fear, without the need to go outside for a breath of air.
I hold my daughter outside sitting on the grass in sunshine in front of the hospital last summer. I felt like I was holding my baby once again. It was a precious moment for me. We didn´t need to talk, we both knew what it was all about. I was rocking her and we just were, in love.
As I so shamelessly lost weight I was asked what I eat. I promised to write it down: So, here goes: day two.

At breakfast I drank a mix of frozen berries, low fat sourmilk and a spoonfull of food energizer (heilsuhús). At noon I had a rest of yesterday evenings food which I took with me to work. In the afternoon I had a piece of bread with low fat butter and salatleaves. Evening meal:
Wholefloor pasta with a taste of wild mushrooms (heilsuhús) and a packet of dried forestmushrooms and a big pack of champions (for four).
Put the dried mushrooms in water. Boil the pasta in much water, add salt, on good heat for 10 minutes. Meanwhile fry half a chopped onion and sliced champions in two spoons of oil.
Add the dried mushrooms, keep the water. A spoonfull of lemoncurd (just newly learned on the net). In the last seconds add in a handfull od something green. A fistfull of basilikum leaves would be nice. Drain the pasta, add the contents fo the pan, the water from mushrooms, juice of half a lemon. ThroToss nicely together. For your family, have a hot length of garlic bread.
For the rest of the evening: you may nibble dry fruits and nuts.
Don´t forget (I tend to forget) to drink a lot of water.

For the rest of my life: I am rather exhausted today.
Outside a cat is wailing. Good night.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

quick cooking

with best regards from the underworld.

My cooking tonight

I planned a very nice dinner – took pictures – and than it burnt because of a handballgame Iceland against Serbia which we had to watch and Iceland lost with one point.. So I had to be very quick to find something else.

About 15 minutes.
To cook Potatoes quickly, cut them in 4 and use as hot water as you can get. Add a spoonfull of seasalt and put the lock on the pot. Open a package of sauerkraut, throw it into a pan, add an apple in pieces and some nuts of your choice. Wetten it with a glas of applejuice (whitewine if you want) and put a cover on. Let it on medium heat or til the apple pieces are soft. In the meantime fry cut down chicken breasts in a pan without fat and add some pistazien kernels. Give the potatoes with a piece of butter to your family and eat the rest: very calory low.
TiP: I like the plain Sauerkraut best. You can get it with different tasts like with curry ot redwine. In a sealed bag it keeps long long time in the fridge (look at the date. If you are often in a hurry: cut chickenbreasts down before throwing them into the freeze.